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Post by Ashley Bennett on Sept 5, 2011 1:23:38 GMT -5
A blue-gold macaw, a raven, and a nightingale were three birds you probably wouldn’t have seen flying together, let alone flying towards a seemingly empty house. The house had been Jack’s. His folks had run a while ago, and the three new Animorphs had been using it as a hideout ever since. They landed in the yard and demorphed. Ashley focused on her own self, watching as raven feathers became pale skin and blonde hair. The whole process was, as of yet, still somewhat unfamiliar. It was October 16th. They’d been recruited a little more than a month earlier on September 3rd. Ashley wasn’t used to the concept yet, lately she wasn’t even sure why she was an Animorph. Why had Cassie picked her? Kyle and Jack she understood, but why her?
She finished demorphing and she chanced a glance towards Kyle. That day, during a mission they’d just returned from that had gone far from according to plan, she’d said some things to him that she regretted. She felt even worse when she saw the look he gave her before he stormed back into the house. She sighed and sat down in the grass, hardly caring that a girl in a leotard was not a commonly seen thing, that the yeerks knew there were Animorphs and would be looking for such a sight. Well, so much for making progress with him.
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Post by Jack Flynn on Sept 5, 2011 1:37:43 GMT -5
Jack couldn't help but be in a foul mood. As the three of them flew back to his house, he thought back on what had happened. How pretty much everything that could go wrong, did. Sure they were still new to this saving the world thing, but it still didn't excuse everything. They were the last hope the Earth had, at least according to Cassie they were. He wasn't sure they were exactly ready to be that just yet. They soon landed on the front yard and began demorphing, the nightingale's feathers dissolving back into his normal human skin.
As he finished up, he watched Kyle go inside, obviously upset at Ashley. Jack really couldn't blame him too much, he didn't deserve to be told what Ashley said to him. Jack couldn't let it go, she needed to be talked to. He walked over to where Ashley had sat down, his face not exactly angry, but you could tell he did not approve of what had happened. "It was a mistake any of us could have made," he told her, his tone not angry, but not calm either like it normally was. He was frustrated with the way Ashley had been behaving. "You didn't need to go yelling at him like that, he felt bad enough as it was," He wasn't sure what kind of response he was exactly going to get, but he was preparing himself for anything.
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Post by Ashley Bennett on Sept 5, 2011 1:59:03 GMT -5
“Thanks, I needed you to point that out to me. His expression wasn’t enough to communicate the message,” she hadn’t meant to snap at him. She hadn’t meant to do a lot of the things she’d done lately. The problem that had come up, ever more presently since Cassie had… since the three of them had been left on their own, was that Ashley didn’t really know who she was. She’d always let others define who she was, she’d always been whatever would make her fit in with the popular crowd. Now that she didn’t have other people to tell her who to be… Who was she? So she kept being who she’d been, bubbly and nice until you got on her bad side and she became the wicked bitch of the west. Yet, none of it felt right. It felt like wearing a mask.
She looked down at her feet, only seconds had passed since her outburst at Jack. “I’m sorry. What I said to him… What I said to you just now… They were uncalled for.” She couldn’t take it back though. “I’ve been trying to fix things up with him… though my mouth today probably set me back and square one.” Her gaze went back up, though not high enough to make eye contact “Sometimes it feels like I don’t even know who he is anymore.” Then again, she really didn’t know who she was either. She was a fake and Kyle was hiding behind walls that he’d been building for years. Would they ever get anywhere?
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Post by Jack Flynn on Sept 5, 2011 2:11:12 GMT -5
Ashley had snapped back at Jack, though she seemed to quickly regret it. They were all tense after what had happened. Emotions where running high and they all had that feeling of failure hanging over their heads. It was a frustrating feeling, but one that didn't help them talk about what happened in a civilized matter. Jack scratched the back of his head as Ashley avoided eye contact. She apologized, acknowledging both were uncalled for. She mentioned trying to patch things up with Kyle and that she didn't even really know him anymore. The truth was though, she really didn't. After all she had spent the last couple years acting like he hadn't existed at times.
"Suffice to say, you don't at this point," he told her, though he had a feeling she already knew this. "You spent so much time not really acknowledging his existence, how could you really know him? Do you even remember his favorite color? His favorite foods? TV shows?" He was trying his best to keep the frustration in his voice to an absolute minimum, though he was still firm in what he was saying. "The whole popular girl routine isn't going to work with us. Its only going to drive a wedge between all of us, and that isn't what we need at this point," He hoped he didn't sound too harsh, but Ashley needed to realize soon that her behavior wasn't going to fly with them for very long.
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Post by Ashley Bennett on Sept 5, 2011 2:33:28 GMT -5
She listened to Jack question if she knew anything about Kyle. A part of her was offended, and yet a much larger part knew that he was right. She knew absolutely nothing about her twin. She hadn’t really known Kyle since they were twelve, maybe younger than that. She’d spent the better part of the past five years hardly acknowledging that Kyle even existed. Those five years had turned Kyle into a complete stranger, and she only had herself to blame.
What Jack said next, about the popular girl routine, she had only one thing to say. The words were barely loud enough to hear when she spoke them. “It already has driven a wedge between us all, at least between me and the two of you.” The wedge was there, and she was all but ready to give up on finding a way to get it out. “Jack, the popular girl is all I’ve been for so long that even I don’t know who I am behind that mask. Since Cassie died I’ve wonder every night, especially nights like this after we’ve failed at what we tried to do, what she was thinking when she recruited me.” She’d never had the chance to ask, the question hadn’t even come up, before Cassie had died. Now she never would know what had prompted the choice. “How do I know my being here isn’t just some huge mistake?”
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Post by Jack Flynn on Sept 5, 2011 11:18:40 GMT -5
Jack hoped he was getting through to Ashley. She seemed to at least be listening to him, she didn't respond back when he pointed out that she couldn't have really known Kyle at this point. However, she spoke up when he brought up how she acted. He could barely hear her though, Ashley having gone quieter. She said the wedge was already there and unfortunately, Jack couldn't really argue that point. It was there, it had been there since high school. This wasn't the first time a mission went wrong and they had been angry at each other and it probably wouldn't be the last. Not with their current attitudes with each other anyway.
She then asked something Jack couldn't really think up an answer for. Why was she here? Ashley had been wondering that, wondering why Cassie picked her. Cassie had died before any of them could really voice their questions to her. He hadn't realized Ashley had been questioning why she was even here this whole time. "I can't answer that," he told her. "That's something you need to figure out on your own. Since Cassie isn't here anymore, it comes down to you. You need to decide why you're here and if its a mistake for you to be here." That was really the only option at this point. Jack could go on and give reasons for her, but ultimately she needed to decide for herself, not let someone else chose for her.
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Post by Ashley Bennett on Sept 5, 2011 14:22:48 GMT -5
Her initial thought in response to Jack’s answer was, Well in that case I’m probably doomed. It was a damned if she did and damned if she didn’t situation. If she left, she knew she wouldn’t be able to just ignore that the past month had happened. If she just gave up, Kyle would never forgive her for anything. On the other hand, if she stayed, how did she know she wasn’t just holding the other two back from being the best they could be?
“Right now it feels like a mistake,” but she shouldn’t be making that kind of judgment call right after a failure like this. Some part of her would always regret not being able to ask Cassie why she had been chosen. Right now she wanted to understand what her actions in the heat of the moment had said about who she was on the inside, because somehow it seemed Cassie had known more than Ashley herself did.
Speaking of regrets and unasked questions… “Jack…” Her words trailed off for a moment. Now wasn’t a good time to be asking, but how did she know she’d ever get a chance? Life was so uncertain, even more uncertain for them now. If she didn’t ask now, would she get another chance or would it become another question she’d regret never voicing. “I know I made a dumb choice when I dumped you, or I’m realizing it now, but what I’ve never understood is… Why did you move on so fast?” That had bothered her at the time, and it still bothered her now. At the same time she regretted the words as soon as they were out because the timing was horrible. She might not have liked the answer if the timing had been right, but she for sure wouldn’t like it now.
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Post by Jack Flynn on Sept 5, 2011 14:42:59 GMT -5
Jack frowned at Ashley's response. She felt like it was a mistake for her to be here right now. However, now wasn't exactly the best time to be making that judgement. They had failed a mission, so of course they all didn't feel especially up to being Animorphs. But it was only one mission out of who knew how many more that were to come. They couldn't win them all, they just had to do their best to win the important ones. He wasn't sure what else to say, the rest was up to her to decide.
After a moment Ashley spoke his name. There were a few seconds of silence before she asked about something he wasn't expecting right now. In fact it was probably one of the worst possible times to be talking about it. How he had moved on quickly from his and Ashley's relationship. It seemed like it was something that bothered her and honestly he could see why. Though he was a bit surprised to hear her say it was a dumb choice for her to dump him. He hadn't expected to hear that from her mouth.
"Is this really that important to have answered right now?" he asked her with a hint of frustration in his voice. He really didn't want to be talking about their past at the moment, more just wanting to go inside and be able to calm down from today. "When I asked you out, I thought you were different than those other popular girls in school," he started explaining, knowing he wasn't going to really be able to get out of this conversation. "Dumping me just made me realize.....I was wrong, you weren't any different. That's why I got over it so fast," He paused for a moment, as he had more to add on to that. He realized how it sounded but that's what he had felt at the time and Ashley had asked, he wasn't going to lie about that.
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Post by Ashley Bennett on Sept 5, 2011 16:05:28 GMT -5
“Oh…” That was all she could say at the moment, after she’d heard his answer. The whole time he’d been answering, she’d wished she could take the question back or tell him that he didn’t have to answer it now. As much as she’d wanted to know the answer… He’d asked if it was that important that it had to be answered now, and if he’d given her the chance she would have said that no, it wasn’t.
The problem with his pausing was that she thought he was done. She didn’t know there was more. Even if she had known, she probably would have been expecting it to be no better than the first part. That being the case, she wouldn’t have felt like she needed to hear the rest… not now, and maybe not ever. She got up off the ground, not meeting his gaze as she said, “You know what, that was really poorly timed on my part. Just… just forget I asked, okay?”
She didn’t give him the chance to say whether it was okay or not, though. She just turned and walked into the house, into the room she’d been using, and shut the door. Then she sank to the floor with her back against the door. I don’t know where to start, but I have to start changing. I have to prove, even if it’s only to myself, that I am not that girl… not anymore.
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Post by Jack Flynn on Sept 5, 2011 17:29:31 GMT -5
As soon as Jack heard that "Oh..." from Ashley, he instantly regretted what he had said. He wasn't finished yet and was about to continue, but then Ashley got up. She told him to forget she had asked and immediately went into the house. "Ashley, wait..." he called out to her, but it was too late. She wasn't within earshot anymore. "...I wasn't done," he said softly. Sure that's how he had felt when he had been dumped. However, he didn't still feel that way. Ashley had proven to him already that she was different than the other girls. Cassie had seen it too, he was sure and that's why she had been picked along with himself and Kyle.
Jack sighed, unsure if he should go talk to her or not. Would she even want to talk to him right now? "Nice going, Jack. That was exactly what you needed to say after what happened today," he said to himself. He stood out there for a bit, deciding what he should do from here. He had to at least go check up on her, he couldn't leave it at that. He went into the house, heading for the room Ashley had been staying in. He tapped lightly on the door. "Ashley. You in there?" he asked through the door. He didn't get any response, which was honestly not that surprising. He sighed, he wasn't going to be talking to her again today.
He walked away from Ashley's door. What else could he do? He headed back to his own room and closed his door. He then plopped down on his bed. He would need to explain himself to Ashley the next chance he got. For now though there wasn't anything he could do. And he hated it.
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